Warriors Gone Wild
by Ravenpelt
Summary: What would happen if Fireheart was the most popular tom with the shecats? Well, read and you'll know. Other pairings are up! Rated for a reason people. Don't read if you don't know what innuendo is.
1. Into the Itch

**A/N- Surprise! Since I'm almost done with Warriors #7, I decided to write a little oneshot to keep all you rabid fans off my back. Not really, I wrote it because it was funny. And don't worry, Memories will still be updated for a while to come. That said, enjoy the hilarity.**

**Which One?**

Fireheart opened his emerald eyes, blinked, and yowled in surprise. A pretty face with ice-blue eyes was watching him from not two inches away. It smiled and opened it's mouth to speak.

"Finally you're awake! I thought you'd _never_ wake up! Now you and me can go out and...hunt...all alone..." Cinderpelt added mischevously.

Before he could even think of answering her, a sharp meow sounded from behid him.

"No, he can't, because he's taking _me _out to hunt, right, Fireheart?" It was Sandstorm.

Fireheart froze in horror. It was an impossible situation. He was stuck in the middle of two fighting she-cats, both of whom, it seemed, had a certain "itch" that needed to be scratched. Not to mention that _he _was singled out to be the scratcher.

"Uh, w-why don't we all go, you know, together?..." he suggested, praying to StarClan that they would accept.

"No way am I going with _that _fleabag!" Sandstorm spat.

"I'd rather be the fleabag that Fireheart's taking hunting than you all alone!" Cinderpelt fired back.

"_So _sorry to interrupt," meowed a silky sweet voice. Spottedleaf wove herself around Fireheart, purring heavily. "But he and I are staying right here and...getting down to business. You two might want to leave." She licked the fortunate, or else not so fortunate, tom's face as she spoke and he knew this was the end. He sniffed the air and his eyes widened in sheer horror. _All three she-cats were in heat, at the same time, with the same target. _Which was him.

Just then, an idea popped into his head that just might make him get what he really wanted.

"I'm not interested in _any _of you," he meowed. Spottedleaf stopped weaving her tail with his and the other two looked confused.

"None of us?" Sandstorm asked, shocked.

"Then who are you interested in?" questioned Cinderpelt.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," he replied.

"Try me," Spottedleaf demanded.

**A/N-  Anyone have a guess as to what he might say? If you do, congratulations, you know how to get out of a similar situation. But if you don't, read on and learn how. And he's NOT REALLY what he says he is. He does it FOR A VERY GOOD REASON!**

**WARNING! IMPLIED SLASH THAT'S NOT A REAL SLASH!**

Okay, you asked for it," he began. "The cat I've been seeing for moons is...well, it's...Graystripe."

The three she-cats' jaws made an audible 'thunk' on the den floor. Cinderpelt was the first to recover.

"Y-you're _that _kind of cat! But I don't understand-"

"That's so gross! Eew, Fireheart, that's so, so...Aaaugh! You make me _sick_!" Sandstorm yowled.

Spottedleaf just looked at him suspiciously. He knew what she was thinking, _It's not even possible for...that...because animals can't be...like that. But since I'm the medicine cat, I'm the only one who knows it. The others don't have a clue that he's lying._

Sandstorm and Cinderpelt shook themselves, shuddering at the thought that they had even _spoken _to him and muttering,

"Hey, let's get out of here, Brackenfur looks so much better anyway," meowed Sandstorm.

**A/N- There's where I made the mistake I mentioned in the big A/N. Fixed it; here is the fixed version.**

"Gross, he's my brother!"

"Oh yeah, well he's mine, go find someone else."

"Gladly, you fleabag!"

"Mousebrain!"

"Hmm, Runningwind is eating alone. Not for long."

The insults died away as they left, and Fireheart and Spottedleaf were the only two left in the den.

**A/N- More action past this point. Verbal only. If you care, please turn back now. **

"You had that all planned out, didn't you?" she asked.

"It was more a spur of the moment thing," he replied.

"But you're not like that."

"No way, that's sick, but there wasn't any other way I could get them to leave."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Does it really matter to you that I'm the medicine cat?"

"No, not in the least," he replied. "Who would know?"

"We will," she meowed. "But that's the way I like it. And apparrently you do too, seeing as you liked what I was doing earlier.What do you want more of, the purring or the rubbing?"

"Both work fine," he replied, grinning.

"Well well, aren't we the anxious one? Let's skip the formalities. I've got something else in mind..."

**The End?**

**A/N-** **Yes, I know that Spottedleaf died in the first book and is the medicine cat and can't have kits. Yes, I know that Cinderpelt got hurt. Yes, I know that Sandstorm and Firestar have kits eventually. Yes, I know that I called Firestar 'Fireheart'. However, that is in the series, not my oneshot. This was just a (funny, I hope) fic for amusement purposes only. Read and review, as always.**


	2. Itch and Scratch

**A/N- Say it with me folks, INNUENDO! Read on if that's not too scary for you. No rating change. Unless they force me to.**

**Chapter 2**

Sandstorm had her eyes set on the target. Countdown 4-3-2-1-contact!

"Oh, hello, Sandstorm," Brackenfur meowed.

"Hey, Brackenfur. You want to do something fun?"

'What? I thought she was after Fireheart. Oh well, his loss.' "Uh, sure. What is it?"

"We don't really need to put it into words, do we?"

'Oh, that.' "Apparrently not."

"Good."

-----

Cinderpelt saw the two of them disappear in the direction of Fourtrees.

"It's a sorry sight, isn't it?" It was Runningwind.

"Yeah, poor Brackenfur."

He snorted. "They can't even wait for nightfall."

"Can you?"

"Depends. Is that a question or an offer?"

"Oh, it's definately an offer."

"Then there's no need to wait until nightfall."

Suddenly, she spotted Graystripe walking through the camp, returning from his hunting patrol. She wanted to ask him a few questions.

"Just a few minutes, okay, Runningwind?"

"Just don't be long," he purred.

"Thanks." She ran over to Graystripe. "Hey, can I talk to you? Not here, it's private."

"Sure. Is Sunningrocks private enough?"

_Heheheh, just where I wanted to go_, Inner Cinderpelt cackled. _I have a plan. _"Sounds perfect," her normal self said.

They walked together toward Sunningrocks.

-----

Silverstream crossed the river, hoping to see Graystripe again. She missed him, and in the RiverClan camp, the same thing was happening as in the ThunderClan camp. Itches were apparrently running rampant throughout the forest.

"Today's the day," she said to herself. "And there he-who's that with him?"

-----

Cinderpelt sat down facing Graystripe. "I heard something about you today, and I, uh, I wanted to see if it's true."

"What did you hear about me?"

"Yes, what did you hear about him?" Silverstream meowed coldly, stepping into the Sunningrocks clearing and glaring daggers at Cinderpelt.

"Nothing good. I'm only going to give him a word of advice."

"What's that?" Graystripe asked.

"Stop seeing Fireheart. It's not cool."

Silverstream shuddered and backed away from Graystripe. "Gross! You-you led me on all this time, PERVERT!"

Graystripe looked as if he'd been thrown, unwillingly, into the river. "B-but, I'm not, I swear I'm not like that!"

"Prove it. Fireheart says that you and he are, but it might just be him who is. Prove right now that you're not." Inner Cinderpelt was cackling evilly now, _Haha, that will be an interesting topic at the next Gathering_.

"Prove it?"

"Well, yeah."

"Now? In front of you?"

"Well, I need to know that you're not, otherwise I won't be able to sleep at night."

"Uh, ok."

Silverstream looked confused. "Hey, right here, right now? With me?"

Graystripe nodded and Cinderpelt meowed, "Well he _is _in love with _you._

"Right, here it is then. Awesome."

-----

Back at camp, Bluestar had the strangest feeling that most of the Clan was feeling the itch at the same time. She decided to walk around camp to try to find Whitestorm, she wanted to send a hunting party out. She stuck her head into the warriors' den, expecting to see him. Instead, she saw something completely unexpected.

"Whitestorm are you-oh, sorry. Wait, Spottedleaf, is that you" _I remember when I was that young. Oh well, I can't really punish them, can I?_

Fireheart and Spottedleaf just stared at their leader, unable to say anything. They were both overwhelmed at the incredible amount of awkwardness.

"Oh, he's cleared out then. You two must have been too much for him. Sorry for...interrupting you." Bluestar left the den thinking, _If the medicine cat can do it, I can too. Whitestorm, where are you? _

Bluestar was feeling the itch.

-----

Cinderpelt ran back through the trees, alone this time. Her eyes were very, very wide.

_Well, he sure isn't gay_, Inner Cinderpelt purred, stifling a severe nosebleed. _Lead me to Runningwind!_

"Be quiet, you!" Cinderpelt meowed. "My plan worked; now Fireheart's gonna get some payback for what he did! At the next Gathering, he's gonna get it! But before that-"

_"Runningwind!"_ Inner Cinderpelt and she said together.

**A/N- Yes, the "itch" is definately running rampant. Any ideas for another chapter anyone? Read and Review, or else this is the end.**


	3. Forest of Itches

**A/N- I forgot to say that I don't own Warriors. I do, however, own the plot of this story. Big thanks to Silentheart for the new story title and the ideas. Thanks to everyone else for your reviews and thoughts. And now, Chapter 3.**

**Chapter 3**

Graystripe ran back to camp a few hours later. It was not early evening, where had the time gone? Scratching the itch could do that to a cat.

He was thinking about what Fireheart had said. He didn't think that his friend was gay, but he couldn't be sure. He decided to ask him.

Graystripe caught him exiting the warriors' den with a satisfied-looking Spottedleaf. She smiled at Fireheart and twitched his nose with her tail, then turned and went to her den.

_Whoa, did they...? I think they did. Maybe he had a reason for saying that._

"Hey, Graystripe," Fireheart meowed. "Good thing you didn't come looking for me earlier, we've already been interrupted once." He shuddered.

_Interrupted? Yikes, awkward. _"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about something Cinderpelt said-"

"She told you what I said, didn't she?" Fireheart laughed. "Well, I'm not really like that. Just ask Spottedleaf or Bluestar."

_Bluestar! Holy crap. The two cats you are never to scratch, and he gets them both in the same day! Wow. Lucky ba-_

"Well, only Spottedleaf knows first-hand. Bluestar did the interrupting earlier."

_Oh. _"Well, I was going to ask, but there's no need. I do want to know _why_ you said it though."

Fireheart laughed again. "I was in a _very_ compromising position. Cinderpelt, Sandstorm, and Spottedleaf were fighting over me, and there wasn't any other way out."

"Oh, I get it. I would have said the same thing. Luky you, you escaped with your life, and got a bonus too."

"Yeah, I did. Hey, where were you?"

"You know, doing the same thing as you."

_"_What? _Spottedleaf!"_

"No! Silverstream."

"Oh. Finally. Good for you."

"Yeah. Seems like there's alot of that going around."

-----

Leopardstar and Mistyfoot were travelling back from the Moonstone because Leopardstar had just received her nine lives. Normally, the medicine cat went with the new leader, but Mudfur was getting on in years, so Mistyfoot went instead.

They walked past Barley's barn and saw Tallstar and Ravenpaw-no, Raven_pelt _now; he'd joined WindClan because he didn't think ThunderClan would have him back. He and Tallstar had apparrently just finished hunting in the barn.

**A/N- Don't like that? Too bad. My fic. MINE! I will do what I want and name Ravenpaw after me! My word is law.**

"Tallstar, Ravenpelt," Leopardstar meowed in a leaderly voice.

"Hello, Leopardstar, Mistyfoot. Congratulations on receiving your lives," Tallstar replied.

"Thanks. Tallstar, I wanted to ask you something. Has your Clan had an, um, outbreak of itches lately?"

"Actually, we have."

"Really?"

"Yes, it's a forest-wide thing."

"Oh."

"Yours does too, then?" Ravenpelt asked.

"Yeah," Leopardstar replied, glancing at Mistyfoot, who nodded. "We do."

"The barn's empty you know. Barley can't stand too much company, he left for a while."

"That's good."

The four cats entered the barn. Leopardstar briefly wondered if it was against StarClan's code for leaders to satisfy itches together. Mistyfoot and Ravenpelt, however, couldn't care less.

-----

Tigerclaw paced around the clearing of the camp. His evil, Clan-destroying plans were on a side track today; he had the itch. And the itch was always the main priority. He ran through a list of potential scratchers.

_Spottedleaf? No, taken by that bloody kittypet. Sandstorm took Brackenfur somewhere; they aren't back. Cinderpelt's with Runningwind right now, I heard Frostfur disappeared with Lionheart someplace. I saw Mousefur take Longtail into the nursery; good thing there's no kits in there. Yet. Hey, there's Goldenflower. Always did think that she liked me. At least some cat does._

"Hey, Tigerclaw," she meowed, spotting him looking at her. "What's up?"

"Nothing much, you?"

"The itch."

"Oh, right."

"There's alot of that going around."

"I noticed."

"You got it too, huh? Take care of it with anyone yet?"

"Not yet. Is that an invitation?"

"If you want it to be."

"Then it is."

"Where should we go?"

"Hmm, don't know. Most everywhere's taken."

"Maybe we could ask the elders to leave for a while."

"Yeah, that'd work."

"Let's go then," she meowed.

"Ok." _Finally, somebody likes me! _Inner Tigerclaw stopped crying in his misery and wiped his eyes and followed Golderflower.

**A/N- Yeah, Tigerclaw has a sensitive side. Haha. His sensitive side is internally weepy, likes to babysit kits and tidy up the camp. But only when it's very dark and everyone else is sleeping. The only cat to see him doing it is no longer living. That's the real reason why he killed Redtail. Anyway, next Chap: the Gathering of Denial and Itches! As always, Read and Review!**


	4. Rising Itch

**A/N- The Gathering of Denial and Itches. Is there really any more to say? Oh yeah, reviewer thanks. Wow, 25 reviews. Thanks!**

**Thanks to everyone for the reviews and the ideas. my other stories have kinda been put on hold because of this one being so popular.**

**Chapter 4**

Up in StarClan, the warrior ancestors were upset. And planning punishment.

"That Fireheart, the 'Fire who will save the Clan', he broke our Code with a medicine cat! Even though, I must admit, she _is _hot, he must be punished!"

"But Whitestorm broke it with Bluestar..."

"Yes he did, but he is too old to bear the punishment that Fireheart will have."

"What do you have in mind?"

"Let's just say that in two or three days, Fireheart will be spending lots of quality time with Spottedleaf in the nursery."

"Ah, she's expecting. But is he really _that_ overprotective?"

"No. He's going to be a queen."

"...What the-"

"I-is that even possible?"

"Yep."

"Oh, I see."

-----

Tigerclaw and Goldenflower were heading toward the elder's den with the intent of driving them away for a few hours. But suddenly, they stopped outside the den, hearing...frightful noises.

Inner Tigerclaw's face froze into a mask of horror as he realized what the sounds were. He whimpered and hid under his bed, holding his paws over his ears in an attempt to block out the terrible, terrible noise.

Outer Tigerclaw grimaced in disgust and looked over at Goldenflower, whose face bore an expression similar to Inner Tigerclaw's.

"I might just be off this itching thing forever," she meowed, sounding faint.

"Oh, don't say that. It ruins the mood."

"_That _ruins the mood even worse!" she replied, gesturing toward the elder's den.

"Yeah. But you know, we could always scare the apprentices away."

"Oh, that would work. Good idea."

They entered the apprentice's den, thankful to finally be away from the noise.

"Get out before I have to _chase _you out. With my _teeth_," Tigerclaw snarled at them.

Cloudpaw, Thornpaw and Ashpaw looked unimpressed, but Fernpaw and Brightpaw made a hasty exit.

"Why should we leave? This is our den," meowed Cloudpaw, glancing scornfully at Tigerclaw. He'd never been afraid of the tabby deputy.

"Because if you don't, you'll be scarred for life."

"Why?"

"Because we're going to scratch an itch."

"Why, you got fleas or something?"

"What-NO! A _different _itch, kittypet!"

"Don't call me kittypet! And what other kind of itch is there?"

"Go ask Fireheart, he knows all about it."

"Oh, ok."

The three apprentices got up and left the den.

Goldenflower purred at Tigerclaw. "Alone at last."

-----

Cloudpaw trotted up to Fireheart, who had just exited Spottedleaf's den. Again. Cloudpaw had seen his uncle do that three times already, each time exiting with the same dazed expression plastered on his face.

"Hey, Fireheart, whatcha up to?"

"Oh, uh, hi, Cloudpaw, I was just, um-"

"Scratching an itch," Graystripe purred, watching the conversation from the shade nearby. "With Spottedleaf."

"What's 'scratching an itch' mean?"

"Uh, well, it's hard to explain, but, um, you see, when a tom and a she-cat 'get an itch', they have to, uh, scratch it. Got it?" Fireheart explained awkwardly.

Cloudpaw shook his head. "Not really."

"I'll explain it," Graystripe meowed. "First, you find a she-cat who likes you, then you take her to a secluded part of the forest, then you-"

"Okay, that's enough, he doesn't have to _know any more than he has to_," Fireheart cut in, shooting Graystripe a look.

"Oh, so I could scratch an itch with Brightpaw?"

"Yes-wait, I mean no! You aren't old enough!"

"Ask us about it when you become a warrior," Graystripe meowed.

"Oh, ok." Cloudpaw ran off to where the other apprentices were waiting. "Hey guys, guess what I just learned!"

-----

Laer that evening, Bluestar led ThunderClan down the slope toward Fourtrees. They spread out through the Clans that were already there. before they had even left the camp, however, Bluestar had instructed the Clan not to discuss the itch. She wanted to bring it before the others herself. This led to very awkward conversations at the Gathering. Evidently, all the leaders had said the same thing.

A typical conversation went like this:

"So, how's life treating you?"

"Oh, it's good, you know. Catch any good prey lately?"

And so on.

The awkwardness was broken by Bluestar yowling to start the Gathering. She noticed that Tallstar and Leopardstar were trying their best not to look at one another in front of the assembly, but they were failing miserably. This drew laughter and confusion from the Clans.

Blackstar and the rest of ShadowClan looked confused. They hadn't caught the itch, it seemed.

"ThunderClan is thriving; we have an overflowing fresh-kill pile, and we will soon have, ah, quite a few litters of kits soon," Bluestar began, and turned to Tallstar, who stepped forward.

"WindClan will also have litters of kits born soon, and our warriors have never been more fit."

Bluestar could have sworn she heard Leopardstar whisper, "And their leader too."

Tallstar looked over to Leopardstar, and this time Bluestar could definitely see a...blush? _That _was _not _the normal Leopardstar.

"RiverClan, too, will be having new litters of kits...including mine."

_Just as I thought,_ Bluestar thought.

Shocked yowls rang out and Tallstar nearly fell off the Great Rock. All denial and public face forgotten, he meowed, "Ours? Are you sure?"

Leopardstar blushed deeper this time and nodded shyly. The yowls of shock intensified. Leopardstar yowled for silence.

"The kits between two leaders are not forbidden by StarClan. They sent me a vision to prove it!"

The muttering died down, but Blackstar stepped forward.

"You're all mad! Whatever you have been doing, it has not weakened ShadowClan like it has you! We focus on survival and strength, not satisfying itches!"

"Well then, we'll just overwhelm you with sheer numbers," Bluestar stated. "This Gathering is over." _Now, where are Tigerclaw and Graystripe?_

**A/N- Oh my. Where ARE Tigerclaw and Graystripe? Don't worry, it's not like THAT! Tune in...sometime later to find out!**


	5. The Itchiest Path

**A/N- Sorry about the wait. And I apologize in advance for this chap too, cause I wrote it very early this morning and still wasn't fully conscious. So, that said, enjoy the chap. And thanks for the almost 50 reviews!**

**Chapter 5**

Silverstream was walking toward the river to the place where she met Graystripe. They always did this during a Gathering, but little did they know that this time would be very, _very_ different.

She was almost at the meeting place when the sound of a cat sobbing came to her ears. It sounded close by, so she decided to check it out. On the ThunderClan side of the river, she saw a sight that would normally been hilarious. As it was, she couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry.

Sitting with his paws over his eyes, crying his soul into the dirt that had turned to mud beneath him, was the great deputy of ThunderClan; the mighty, invincible Tigerclaw. Or what was left of him.

_He's a wreck,_ thought Silverstream. _What happened to him?_

Suddenly, he noticed her. "Go away!" he yowled, anger flashing in his amber eyes, but crying all the same.

Over come with..._sympathy?_ she went over to him.

"What happened to you?"

"Why should I tell _you?_"

"Fine, I was just trying to be _nice_." She turned to go.

"No, wait, I'm sorry, it's just that..."

"Yes?"

"She-she passed me over for t-that ELDER!"

"...What? Who did?"

"Goldenflower s-said that she l-liked the older t-toms better than m-me!"

"...Eew. I actually feel sorry for you."

"R-really?"

"Well yeah, that sucks what she did to you. But I'm sure that there's some she-cat out there who wouldn't mind being with you."

"Thanks, Silverstream. But who would like me?"

"Well, I know how to make you feel better about yourself."

Inner Tigerclaw stood agape, his jaw touching the ground. Here was Graystripe's mate, offering him the chance to regain his masculinity. With her.

"But-but Graystripe-"

"Oh, you knew. You see, I can't wait for him forever. I got the itch real bad."

"Oh, that's how it is."

"Yeah."

"Okay then, let's begin the healing ."

"You got it, Tiger."

"I like it when you call me Tiger."

-----

During and absolutely frightening and disturbing Tigerclaw/Silverstream pity party/itch fest, Fireheart was having some 'issues'.

He and Spottedleaf had stayed in the camp during the Gathering: her because she was pregnant with his kits, and him because he wasn't feeling well. he had joined her in the nursery because he didn't want to be alone; he had a strange need to be comforted.

"Fireheart, have you gained weight?" asked Spottedleaf suddenly.

Fireheart glanced at his slightly swollen stomach. "I think so, and i got these cravings for the strangest things. Got any mice?"

"Uh, not on me, sorry. Fireheart, I'm a medicine cat, trained in the healing arts and I know everything there is to know about the feline body."

"And your point is...?"

"I'm pretty sure you're...pregnant."

Fireheart stared blankly at her for exactly three seconds. "What? Is that even possible!"

"Not physically, but I'm sure it's the punishment from StarClan for, um, scratching me."

"...Weird. But it was totally worth it."

"Tell _me_ that in two moons."

"Oh, yeah. So...what'll actually happen to me?"

"I have absolutely _no idea._"

"...Crap."

-----

"Hey, Brightpaw! Guess what!"

"What is it, Cloudpaw?"

"Fireheart's pregnant!"

"Wow. How?"

"He scratched Spottedleaf."

"Oh. What's 'scratching'?"

"I dunno, but I have an idea. Wanna try it?"

"Um, won't it hurt?"

"A little, I guess. but I heard Fireheart say that it's totally worth it."

"Okay then."

-----

Brackenfur was walking past the apprentice's den when he heard a pained screech from within. _Oh no, the apprentices have the itch!_

Sticking his head into the den, he saw a sight that made him laugh incerdibly hard.In the middle of the den, Cloudpaw and Brightpaw were standing next to each other. Cloudpaw had a paw raised, claws extended, and Brightpaw had several scratch marks on her back.

"Ouch, that _hurt,_ Cloudpaw!"

"Sorry, but Fireheart did say that it would."

"What are you two _doing_!" Brackenfur managed to ask through his laughter.

"Scratching the itch."

This only made him laugh harder. "T-that's, haha, not even how, heehee, you do it!"

"Then how-"

"When you're, hahahaha, older, whooheeheehee-"

-----

Graystripe ran toward Sunningrocks, intent on seeing Silverstream again. But when he got nearer, he saw and heard something horrible that he would never forget. He halted at the treeline and saw his love, Silverstream, and his worst enemy, Tigerclaw. Together. Where he and Silverstream met. Doing what he and Silverstream did. Tigerclaw and Silverstream.

He felt his heart shatter, and all emotions in him died. All but one. Hate. His eyes narrowed, his claws extended, and bloodlust radiated from every hair on his pelt. Blind to all but the sight of his love and his enemy, he threw himself at the ThunderClan deputy.

"TIGERCLAW! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

**A/N- Oh. My. God. I can't believe I did that. Graystripe/Silverstream supporters, spare my life. It wasn't my idea, but it turns out okay in the end. Maybe. First cliffhanger! Next: Graystripe vs. Tigerclaw for Silverstream! One will fall!**


	6. The Darkest Itch

**A/N-** **Well, here's the next part. Wow, 77 reviews? You guys rock! **

**Chapter 6**

Tigerclaw turned halfway around in time to see the mass of gray slam into him. He had been caught in a very vulnerable position, so he had no time to defend himself. For the first time in his life, he was completely helpless.

He found himself trapped on the ground with a steely-strong paw held none-too-gently on his throat. Graystripe's claws would have slashed it, but they were just extended enough to hurt, not kill. Yet.

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing to _my mate_?" Graystripe snarled, his fangs mere inches away from the deputy's face.

"What does it look like-agh!" Tigerclaw choked as the gray paw pushed harder, shutting him up.

"He said he'd kill me if I didn't, h-he said that he knew about, about us," Silverstream lied, putting on a good showing of fear and humiliation.

Graystripe yowled in rage and his eyes burned with pure hate, as if he was trying to tear Tigerclaw's soul with his gaze.

_That's not just hate, _Tigerclaw thought. _It's like, like staring into the face of death itself!_

Beneath him, Graystripe felt Tigerclaw shudder and heard him whimper in fear, like a frightened kit. He also felt a spreading, wet heat on his rear paws.

"Oh, you _did not _just wet yourself!"

"He _did _wet himself!" Silverstream burst out laughing.

"Well, well. So the 'Great deputy of ThunderClan', Tigerclaw, is no more than a pussy," Graystripe sneered, leering in the tabby's face.

"A pussy-_cat_, furball," Tigerclaw retorted.

"No, you're just a pussy. All talk and no guts. You'd like me to kill you, right? But I won't, oh no, not yet. I'll let you live with this humiliation. "

"Y-you wouldn't!"

"Oh, yes, I will. The second I get back, the whole Clan will know."

"Oh, crap."

"No, you peed yourself. I haven't scared the crap outta you yet."

"...I hate you."

Silverstream had silently slipped away, unnoticed by either tom.

-----

Things weren't mush better for Fireheart. His stomach was acting very strangely. He found himself to be snappy for no reason at all; a few minutes ago he'd accused Spottedleaf of stealing fresh-kill when they hadn't eaten that day. He also had the funniest craving for watermelons, even though he had no idea what exactly they were.

"Spottedleaf, do you think you could get me so-"

"Shut. Up. Now. I _know _you want watermelons. You told me five times already. And each time, I told you that I _don't know what the hell they are_."

"Oh, right, sorry. Bluestar, do you know what they are?"

"I already told you in the most leaderly way possible that I don't. Don't make me be as blunt with you as Spottedleaf is."

"Sorry."

-----

"Come on, Brightpaw! Race ya to Twolegplace!"

"But Cloudpaw, do we have to?"

"Yeah, I haven't seen mom in weeks!"

"Oh, yeah. Hey, isn't that her on the fence?"

"Yeah, it is! Hey, hey mom!"

Princess turned as Cloudpaw jumped onto the fence.

"Hello, Cloudpaw! I haven't seen you in so long! Look at how big you are! And who's this lovely friend you've brought?"

Cloudpaw was staring at his mother, mortified about how she was acting in front of his, he hoped, future mate, so Brightpaw answered for him.

"Hello, I'm Brightpaw. Nice to meet you at last!"

"Thank you, Brightpaw. Now, Cloudpaw, what have you been up to?" Princess asked.

"Fireheart's been keeping me busy with my training," he began. "Oh, he says that there's a 'scratching' epidemic going around. Spottedleaf said that he's pregnant, too."

Princess blinked. Blinked again.

"But...wait, you said _Fireheart _is _pregnant_?"

"Yep," meowed Cloudpaw. "He got it from scratching Spotedleaf."

Princess swayed and almost fell off the fence.

"But I didn't get when I scratched Brightpaw," Cloudpaw finished.

Brightpaw nodded. "And I got the marks to prove it."

This time, Princess _did _fall off the fence.

"Hey, mom, are you okay? Mom?"

**A/N- This chap cracked me up a few times while I was writing, so you should be falling off your chairs about...now. **


	7. MidItch

**A/N- I think I'm the slowest updater in the history of sorry guys! **

"Stupid furball, who does he think he is?" growled the tabby tom as he pushed through the undergrowth of the forest. "Interrupting us, calling me names, I'll rip his heart out!"

His claws extended reflexively as he enjoyed a mental image of himself ripping his enemy to shreds. But the vision came to a screeching halt as he remembered what he had done when threatened by the other cat. He shivered, feeling his hateful feelings turn to despair.

"Oh, who am I kidding?" he sighed unhappily. "He'll tell everyone that I wet myself, I can't go back to ThunderClan! Goldenflower wouldn't make me feel good anymore..."

Tigerclaw stopped and sat down, running his options through his head.

"I could never be a kittypet like _Fireheart_-" he spat the name forcefully "-and _all _the Clans hate rogues. But I have to get revenge somehow..."

He sat there for quite some time, thinking. Yes, quite some time...yeah. author gets up, yawns, and goes to bed. Occasionally checks on Tigerclaw, who is always still thinking. A year passed. "Wake up!" the author yells finally, wiping off the dust from his notebook. Tigerclaw shakes his head, muttering, "Sorry..."

Finally, his eyes lit up. "I got it!" he yowled, shaking off the dust and leaves that had built up on him. "I'll take over...ShadowClan!" He leapt up and raced away.

He had just turned the corner around a large tree when...

**_SMACK!_**

"Oww, watch where you're going, idiot!" came a muffled but extremely irritated voice from underneath Tigerclaw.

He quickly scrambled off the other cat, blinking away stars and shaking his head.

"Well, sorry, but you're not-" he stopped short as he caught sight of the cat for the first time.

It was an absolutely beautiful golden she-cat with a well-groomed pelt, ice-blue eyes, and a white belly. Had she not been muscular and missing a collar, he would have mistaken her for a kittypet.

"I'm not what?" she hissed, flattening her ears aggressively.

"You're not a Clan cat," he mumbled lamely.

"No, I'm not," she meowed a bit more cautiously, a wary look in her eyes. "Just a rogue."

"You're not like other rogues either," Tigerclaw meowed appraisingly, looking her over.

She noticed him watching, he could tell. "And why is that?" she purred, relaxing now.

He flinched. "W-well," he stammered. "You're...very pretty. What's your name?"

"Sasha," she replied, licking a forepaw and drawing it over some ruffled fur. "And what can I call you?"

"Tigerclaw," he purred, stepping closer to her.

"Strong name," Sasha purred seductively. "Tell me, Tigerclaw, has the itch reached the forest like I've heard?"

He nodded enthusiastically. "Oh, yes. Epidemically."

"That's good," she laughed, smiling at him. Sasha turned and beckoned for him to follow.

Tigerclaw looked upwards incredulously. "Twice...in _one _day..." He grinned idiotically and ran after her.

- - - - -

However, things were not going so well for Fireheart. He was rolling around, yowling in pain, and all the queens were staring at him.

Bluestar rolled her eyes and sighed. "Well, how did you _think_ it felt?"

Fireheart gasped and passed out in mid-roll. Suddenly, he found himself face to face with StarClan.

"Am I dead?" he meowed, horrified.

"No, Fireheart, you have endured the punishment for mating-" he flinched at the word "-with a medicine cat. However, as we can only punish you like this once, you are free to do to her as you like, free of consequence."

Fireheart's heart skipped a beat. "Whatever...I want? Really?"

Raggedstar broke away from Yellowfang for a moment to give him a thumbs-up, grinning widely. "Worked for me!"

"Eew, but thanks," Fireheart replied, shuddering. "Can I go now?"

"Oh yes, right. Sorry 'bout that."

He opened his eyes to find that all the queens had kitted. Spottedleaf lay near three: an orange tabby, a tortoiseshell, and another orange tortoiseshell.

Fireheart licked her face, purring congratulations. "From now on, let's do less stuff together, okay?"

She laughed, meowing, "Okay, hahaha!"

_- - - - -_

"Cloudpaw, is your mom gonna be okay?"

"Probably, Brightpaw," he replied. "Do you think it was something we said?"

"I'm pretty sure it was because you told her you scratched me."

"We shouldn't have left her there," Cloudpaw meowed regretfully. "Oh well. It's just like what Firestar does in _Dawn._"

Brightpaw gave him a strange look. "What's _Dawn_?"

"Shh," Cloudpaw hissed suddenly. "I hear something."

"What?" Brightpaw meowed, sniffing the air. "It's just Graystripe."

"Good nose, Brightpaw," the gray tom purred, stepping out of the bushes.

"Thanks," she replied. "What did you hear?"

"Everything," he meowed incredulously. "Cloudpaw, did you really scratch her? And I don't mean with your claws."

"Huh?" the white apprentice looked confused. "What else would I scratch her with?"

"Uh..."

"I'm confused," Brightpaw shook her head.

"Alright, I guess that I have to explain what scratching _really_ means. Come closer."

As he whispered into their ears, Cloudpaw's eyes got huge and Brightpaw giggled.

Cloudpaw laughed. "That's all? I didn't actually scratch her?"

"No, Graystripe meowed, sounding relieved.

"It sounds kinda scary now," Brightpaw mewed quietly.

"It's really not," Graystripe purred, twitching his whiskers amusedly. "It's actually alot of fun!"

"Not a need-to-know-thing, Graystripe."

"Hey, let's go see Fireheart!"

"Yeah, I forgot he was pregnant..."


	8. Moonitch

**A/N-**** I want to apologize for not updating in over a year, but it would take about that long to tell about everything that's been going on in my life. At one point, I never wanted to write anything ever again. But I'm back, and I'm not going to stop.**

It was very quiet in the ThunderClan camp. Every cat was asleep, dreaming dreams of fresh-kill, running through a forest after a rainstorm, or in some cases…itching.

"Oh, Spottedleaf, that feels _so_ good," Firestar meowed, completely asleep. Unfortunately for him, he had the habit of talking in his sleep, which wouldn't be a bad thing on it's own. However, he now slept next to his mate, a cat who was most definitely _**not**_ Spottedleaf.

"HOW _DARE_ YOU?!" a voice shrieked, rousing the ThunderClan leader from his happy dream. He screeched in pain as claws slashed his nose.

"I LOVE YOU, AND YOU DREAM ABOUT HER AND YOU DOING…STUFF!" A very pissed off Sandstorm yowled. "And I've had YOUR kits!"

"Sandstorm, I can explain-" he tried to reply, but was cut off by a ferocious hiss.

"You already did, you talk in your sleep," she spat. "Have fun sleeping alone!"

She stalked out of the den, tail held high, not looking back.

Firestar stared after her longingly. 'This has to stop,' he thought. 'I can't do this to her…I love her so much…'

Roused by the ruckus, Cloudtail poked his head in. "Nice one, uncle Firestar. Hahaha!"

"I TOLD you to stop calling me that!" Firestar meowed angrily. "Go to bed."

"Going to be hard to, the whole Clan's laughing at you-"

"Shut up!" Firestar snapped, going back into his den and curling up.

He woke to the sound of pawsteps.

"Good morning, dear," Sandstorm purred, licking his face.

'I thought she hated me?' Firestar thought. "Good morning to you too…you're not mad anymore?"

She gave him a puzzled look. "I haven't been angry with you lately, should I be?"

'A dream. It was…just a dream,' he thought happily. "No, no. Nothing's wrong. I love you."

"I love you too!" she purred. "Now let's go for a walk, shall we?"

He nodded and they set off together, pelts glistening in the early morning sunlight.


	9. I couldn't make a title for this one

**A/N- ****I couldn't think of a good title. Dawn + Itch nothing that sounds good, ha. I don't really like this chapter; I think I'm losing my ability to write well.**

Time passed slowly. The warm, muggy days of summer turned into the windy days of fall. Fall turned into the harsh cold of winter. Winter gave way to a sunny spring, which is where we pick up with our beloved Clan.

Firestar and his mate Sandstorm awoke one day to find the camp under attack.

Not by dogs, a rival clan, or disease, but by something much, much worse.

"LEAFPOOL, HOW DARE YOU!" a very angry bright ginger she-cat yowled, glaring daggers at Leafpaw. "I like him! He's MINE! And you scratched him?!"

Leafpaw's face was like stone as she replied, "I did. And he enjoyed it very much."

This only made the ginger cat angrier. "SHUT UP! I don't care how it was, it should never have happened at all! You're only an apprentice, for crying out loud!"

"Squirrelpaw, so are you!" Leafpaw meowed loudly. "He came to me. I didn't ask for it, but I didn't mind-"

"You mouse-brain!" Squirrelpaw hissed, ears flattening. "You'll pay for that!"

She started to charge her sister, but Firestar thundered between them.

"ENOUGH!" he roared, stopping Squirrelpaw dead in her tracks. "Leafpaw, you are forbidden to leave my den for a moon. Squirrelpaw, you are forbidden to leave Cinderpelt's sight for the same time. I will not have my daughters fighting each other in the middle of camp!"

Squirrelpaw looked the ground and scuffed it with one paw while Leafpaw mumbled a quiet 'sorry…'

"Once you receive your warrior names, you're free to itch whoever you want," Firestar continued.

Leafpaw winked at Brambleclaw, who suddenly developed a very happy look on his face.

"But until then, it is not allowed. Now that that's over, I've got to go back to my den. There's an…issue…Sandstorm's been wanting me to help with."

The Clan grimaced. Sandstorm was the loudest she-cat in the camp. Bramble claw meowed, "Hey, who wants to be anywhere but the camp?"

Every cat but the unfortunate Squirrelpaw and Leafpaw chose his proposition.

"Leafpaw, your punishment starts tomorrow. I'll be needing my den today," Firestar meowed as he disappeared into his den.

"Thank StarClan," Leafpaw purred. "I wouldn't want to have to watch that…"


End file.
